(November 1, 2021)

I grew up in a clean Christian home. I would eventually marry my childhood sweetheart. While we were dating, he asked me to have intercourse with him. My reply was that I get a ring first. Which I got a week later. That first time was PAINFUL! Come to find out, he was much larger than average. We got some penis spacers, to limit penetration. Total of four; over the next couple of months, they came off one by one, until I was accustomed to his size. I was married at 18, had my first baby at 19, and my second at 20. The pill didn't work so well, so after my second, I had an IUD inserted. I lived my life throughout my 20's as a loving wife and mother, worked as a customer service representative at a bank, and was very happy.

By the time we were in our early 30's, my husband developed erectile dysfunction. Which was very treatable with ED meds. They worked too well. Once he realized he could get an erection anytime, he developed a problem with keeping his pants on when around other women. The first time I caught him, I forgave him, even though I found it repulsive at first to be with him, knowing what I knew. The second time was too much. We separated, and later divorced, and I found myself a single mother of two teenagers. About this time, my rheumatoid arthritis shifted into overdrive. I had to resign my bank job, but between disability, alimony, and child support, and eventually part of his military retirement, I had enough income.

Mommy, Son, Daugher

Daddy and his Whore

After being divorced for a year, with my children now in their 20's, I was ready to start dating again. Both men I dated that year were non-smokers, which for me was a new experience; I was (and still am) a smoker, and I had never been with a non-smoker. Dating both of them was so awkward! I thought we could manage, but the first one didn't last long at all, the second one a bit longer, but my smoking became something both couldn't handle. Which didn't bother me so much, both were much smaller than I was used to, and never did totally satisfy me. The second one and I almost got an apartment together. I dared ask what the smoking arrangement would be. I thought my kitchen and an unused bedroom which would have been my computer room was fair. His answer was balcony, only the balcony, period. Hmmmm, I'm not a dog, a dog goes outside to crap, but a woman does not go outside of her home to smoke unless it's her choice. Needless to say, we went our separate ways. I would then go two years of not being sexually active.

Two years later would bring my first LGBT experience. I befriended two bi-sexual men. The idea of having an occasional female plaything thrilled them immensely. Which we did on a monthly basis. I knew that there was no future in the relationship, but it was still extremely satisfying. They taught me anal. Sometimes, we'd do double-penetration, sometimes we'd do The Train (one after the other). Double-penetration was extremely satisfying, but The Train was much more empowering; I'd wear one out to where he could no longer keep his erection, then the second would jump right in and continue the action. One month, I got lucky, they had two buddies, also bisexuals, with them for the weekend. I pulled all four of them. This was one of the most empowering things I ever did.

A year later, without warning, my men disappeared in the middle of the night. Without saying good-bye, without a note telling me anything. This was the third time I was so disappointed with men. And this is when I decided that I was done with men. I didn’t realize it immediately, but this is when my three year stretch of being bi-curious was born. I had always noticed other women from a fashion and beauty perspective; dress, hair, nails, etc. But I found myself noticing women more and more from another perspective; physical, demeanor, attractiveness. I found myself wanting to be with another woman. But I didn't know how to proceed, or what my mother, my children, or their spouses would handle it. After three years, knowing that my disability was about to run out, I realized that it was time to go back to work. The owner of the smoke shop where I bought my cigarettes and I were good friends for a long time, and she begged me to come work for her. I started part-time, and very soon, switched to full-time. I felt very comfortable there; there were five of us that worked there. All five of us were women, all five of us were smokers. Furthermore, two of them were out and open bi-sexual. I didn't know it at the time, but the other two were lesbians.

We normally open up for business at 10:00 AM. After two months of working there, I came in a half hour early to do some bookkeeping. A well dressed and attractive lady was standing at the door. She told me that she had to go to work, and would I mind selling her a pack of cigarettes, as she had just smoked her last one. I told her I'd be glad to, but it would have to be a cash sale, since I couldn't open the cash register or the credit card processor until 10:00 AM. She opened her wallet, and had only two dollars. Seeing that she was panicking, I gave her a pack, and told her that I get off at 6:00 PM, and she could come back then and pay me. She came back at 5:30 and bought the rest of the carton. We struck up conversation for a bit; she told me that she worked at a bank, as a customer service representative, just like I used to. Seeing how she was dressed, gosh, I remember when I dressed like that. Besides my long nails, I was quite the full-time jeans-and-flats girl. At quitting time, she promised to come see me again next week.

Like clockwork, Melissa was once again my customer. This time, she came right when I was about to get off. She suggested that we go to dinner, which I accepted. To try to match her, I told her that I wanted to go home and change. We agreed to meet at a restaurant in an hour. At home, I put on a business-like dress, which up until then was something I did once a month. I tried wearing a pair of pumps, which hadn't worn in 10 years, and realized that this wasn't going to work, and wound up wearing a pair of peep-toe flats. We met, and then spent four hours just talking. Our families, our lives, my ex and my old flames, her old flames. I noticed when she talked about her old flames, she always used the pronoun "she", and not "he". I guess the wine hit about the time she asked me if I had ever been with another woman. It instinctively slipped out of my mouth that I had been bi-curious for several years. I quickly changed the subject. We eventually left, and since her car was closer than mine, we walked to her car. She told me that she had something to tell me. She whispered in my ear that she was a lesbian. Even though I figured that out, I froze. Nervous as hell, I reached in my purse for my cigarettes; she stopped me, and said that she had something else to tell me. She embrace me, and gave me a long, soft, French kiss. Again, I froze. Realizing that this is what I had long hoped for, after I got over the shock, I told her, wow, I've been kissed by a woman, and I like it, and could we please do it again? We did. After about a minute of making out like teenagers, I reached for her breasts. She stopped me, and said that we needed to stop here, that I needed to think about this. She told me that I was getting ready to travel down a one-way street, and once I had done so, there would be no going back. We exchanged phone numbers, and ended our evening with a brief kiss and hug. She called me later to wish me a good night. And would up spending an hour on the phone. She finished by telling me that if I planned to continue, to go to the sex shop and bring a strap-on dildo, in a size that I would be comfortable with.

She called me the next morning at work. Recognizing it was her on my caller ID, I answered by saying "your place or mine?" She said hers, since she knew I had adult children who dropped by from time to time. I told her that I'd be there at 6:00 PM. I went home, changed into a house dress (no bra or panties), slipped into a pair of Dr. Scholl's, and realizing that tomorrow was Saturday, I packed an overnight bag. Once at her door, she opened it, standing behind it. I came in, and she was wearing nothing but slippers. My house dress was very easy to drop, and my Scholl's easy to kick off, and we resumed where we left off last night, making out like teenagers. She led me to her bedroom, and quickly introduced me to love making, lesbian style. We started with tribbing, she slipped a double-dildo between us, we took turns with the strap-on's, we gave each oral, we fondled each other all over, we went at it for over an hour! It was so incredible, I had never been intimate with a man for more than five or ten minutes. Afterwards, we ordered a pizza, and enjoyed it with some Merlot. She told me that she didn't think I was bi-curious anymore. I told her that I was not, and I was also not bi; from this moment on, I was pure lesbian. We didn't leave her apartment the entire weekend. I went home Sunday afternoon, reluctantly, but I had to prepare for the work week. We did the same the following Saturday night, since I had to work Saturday.

It took me a week to get the nerve to come out. My first was with my boss, since she and I had become good friends. She smiled ear-to-ear! I knew that two of my co-workers were bi, but I did not know that the other co-worker, and my boss, were both femme lesbians. She welcomed me to the club! The others soon followed. I meet my daughter one morning every week for coffee; when I told her, fearing for the worst, she congratulated me! She knew I had problems with men for many years, and told me that this would probably put an end to it. I met my son for lunch, and did the same with him, and got the same results. Within three months, we moved in together. We promised our family members that as soon as we were comfortable, we'd host a pot-luck Sunday brunch. Which we did. It was so thrilling, now not only to have six of us in my family, but three more in my extended family.

We eventually started doing things for each other. It was great to be involved with another smoker again, this made a lot of things more convenient. A week after that first night, she switched to my brand, making things even more convenient. I quickly realized how incredible kissing and giving oral could be with her pierced tongue; I quickly had mine pierced too. We merged our finances, as if we were married, as part of entering a civil union. Unfortunately, we can't marry, or I'll lose my alimony and my former military spouse's benefits. But we act and think like we're married. This past summer, during my annual gynecologist visit, she brought up that I would be due for my IUD reinsertion in 2025; I asked her to just go ahead and remove it (my coming out continued!) Melissa took this as a sign of my commitment to her. For the Labor Day week, my partner, her sister, and her sister's niece (whom I call my niece too) went to the mountains for the week.

So, this was not only my road to lesbianism, but what I like to consider my rebirth. It's been a grand journey so far, and I feel that there is no end in sight. I only have one regret; I didn't do this sooner!

Comments MOST WELCOME, and thank you for reading!

(February 26, 2022 update) Since I wrote this, my mother, who has not been involved in over 10 years, and was very accommodating of my Coming-Out, had her Coming-Out too. Her partner is, would you believe, the owner of the smoke shop where I work! She too insists that she has never been happier. And my partner's sister has met a special someone this past month. She has a 16-year old daughter, who has not Come-Out. But there's now four of them in their family, to include our 14-year old niece, who has Come-Out, but hasn't found someone yet. We're all convinced that she too will have her Coming-Out before very long.

(July 11, 2022) Melissa and I went to my first gay pride event, the Long Beach Gay Pride Festival. This was one of the most rewarding things I ever did! We've decided to spend a weekend in Atlanta every couple of months, so we can enjoy "My Sister's Room", a lesbian nightspot in the downtown area.

(July 29, 2022 update) Both of our nieces are not only out now, but both have partners. We're all relieved, as this solves the birth control issue. There's a parent supervised organization here for LGBT teenagers that they and their mothers go to, sometimes my partner and I will also go.

(December 1, 2022 update) My mother and her partner Angela were married on Thanksgiving Day, November 24, 2022. And my sister-in-law Rochelle, and her partner Rhonda, announced that they will marry on February 17, 2023.)